metanoia's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - Well, yesterday I went to see the college lady. She is really a lovely girl - probably younger than my son. Crystal blue eyes and a lovely smile. I applied and gave my 40 bucks - just to see what's what. I truly don't know if this program is going to be what I want. Primarily because I don't know what I want. I hate saying that. It has been my mantra. My entire life's mantra, "Doh, I dunno what I wanna do." How do people have goals? How do they know what they want? I seem to just float along like some blissfully unaware flotsam never knowing where I will end up, always enjoying the journey. What the hell kind of crap is that? I just keep praying and watching and hoping for a glimmer of something that will say, "Yes! This is exactly what you are supposed to be doing." I am beginning to feel that I do need to get a degree of some sort. I just don't know if this program is the one for me. The right fit. I also don't know if this is just my negative "you can't do anything" part of me that just causes me not to do anything at all and just go along for the ride. Obviously I am confused about this. I will just keep exploring and moving toward this and eventually I hope and pray it will all come together, one way or another. K. was out of town last night and will be gone until Thursday. It's funny how much I miss him when he is gone. We are such deep friends. I DO get more done around the house and I DON'T eat as much. But, I would still rather have him around. 9:59 a.m. - 2003-03-18 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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