metanoia's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Self Loathing OK. Here I go again. Will I write, will I not. Then some blah, blah about why I dont and more blah about how I will. Gah, I make myself sick sometimes. Then theres the self loathing. Where does that come from? I sometimes look at it with a vague curiosity, removed and amused. I try to act as though it is a joke. I admit it with sarcasm, embracing and distancing myself from it at the same time. But it must be there. It must be true. Otherwise why would I sabotage any opportunities all the time. Why would I denigrate my writing? Why would I say it's crap, when I love it so much. Now, true, some of it REALLY IS CRAP. But sometimes I will read something I have written and think, "Who wrote this? It's pretty good. Was it really me?" So, there you have it. I don't know who the fuck I am a good percentage of the time. I'm sick. Some kind of head cold that morphed into a strange raspy cough that I will probably have to go to the doctor to get rid of. 8:34 p.m. - 2009-06-15 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||