metanoia's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- prayer and pity I know that prayer works. I can honestly say that all my prayers have always been answered... not necessarily with the answer I wanted, but I have received an answer. It was then up to me to act upon it, to accept the answer, embrace it, and "go with it". I am praying today for dear friends. Two separate souls with a need for a little comfort. My prayers for you both are strong and specific to your needs. Deus vobiscum. Christmas is glowering at me from the corner. The corner where I sent it cowering last year. It looks hungry and desperate, I fear it will turn on me before long and devour me... Never corner a rabid animal. That is how I see Christmas this year - rabid and unstable, ready to take a chunk out of me if I leave it's gaze for one moment, one nanosecond.... It is still crouched there, staring at me, pray I don't blink... I must not blink. My son made the mistake of asking me what I really thought about something. When K heard me repeat the question (we were having a phone conversation), he left the room in disbelief, telling me later that he thought son had more sense than to ask that of me.... evidently I have a reputation in the family that if you ask me what I think about anything, I will be brutally honest... That may be why no on asks me what I think anymore.... LOL fuck them if they can't take my truth. What about me? I have to live with it. Pity me, why don't they.... So now son wants to build a 'new' relationship with me... and I have to say I am looking forward to it, and I also am a little apprehensive about it. What if he does not like who I am? What if I dont like who he is? I have to take ownership for the shoddy relationship we have now to a certain extent. I held back my feelings for so long about things that he of course would not have an accurate picture of me. I held back to save his feelings, and have wound up with a son who does not know me for who I really am... So. The beginning of a new era. Wish me luck... wish us both luck... 4:53 p.m. - 2005-12-20 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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