metanoia's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Children Do Not Listen Our children perceive our fear. �Don�t do that!� we screech. They recognize the fear; and don�t do it � sometimes. Somewhere along the line, they quit responding to our fears. They begin to develop their own fears, and embracing some and rejecting others of our fears, they have their very own little set of fears � some of theirs and some of ours. At what point do they stop believing us, our fears? When do they look at us and say to themselves, �That�s crap. It won�t hurt me. What the hell do you know about ME, anyway?� I like to think it is later on in their childhood, like in their teens, maybe. But I rather doubt that. It happens quite early as they begin to strike out on their own in small ways. Two children drowned here in Georgia a couple of days ago. They were aged 2 and 3 yrs. The 3 year old had learned to unlock the screen door and so siblings decided to take a little walkabout. They were found 2 days later in a sewage pond just yards from their house. I am sure the mother told them not to unlock the door. She may have even told them not to go to the sewage pond. They may not have been able to articulate the old �Fuck you, what do you know, I�m doing it anyway� phrase, but they acted it out. Some people blame the parents, and of course they are responsible, but I also know how you can look away for just a moment and kids will just be � gone. It is a tragedy, this one. So basically, I think that our children NEVER listen to us. They just never listen. They always think our fears are unfounded, and do what they want anyway, unless we stop them. And why should they listen, anyway, because many of our own fears are unfounded and unreasonable? Oh, and PS when you find out your child knows how to unlock the screen door, change the lock. This little tip can also be used as a metaphor for older children. We do our best as parents, I want to believe this. Some don�t, I know, but I still want to believe they try in some way. My own experience as a mother was hit and miss; I was winging it most of the time. Lucky for me I�m a good faker; I can say things in an authoritative manner, even if I don�t know what the hell I�m talking about! In trying to avoid making the same mistakes my mother did, I wound up making mistakes that were uniquely mine as a mother. *sigh* My mother once told me the most important thing you can do for your child is to love them and let them know they are loved. It sounds easy. It IS easy. But often our own self-hatred spills over on them, and they take it up as a burden they will bear for you. My own self-hatred and confusion spilled on my son and he will more than likely defend it to the death, because it came from me� He is a dear, sweet, pea. And, of course, I wish he wouldn�t, because my fears and confusion and idiocy are not worth defending. There is no defense for them. They make no sense and have done nothing but hold me back and tie me down. My fear is that he will accept them as his own. Well, if they were good enough for mom, they are good enough for me�. Oh, the wacky ways of a mother�s guilt�. Oh, the sturm and drang and the wringing of the hands, and my son turned out perfect, and I still worry and feel guilty. Go figure. 1:52 p.m. - 2005-04-27 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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