metanoia's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fruity Farts I have been farting a lot lately. I am not sure why. I rarely farted before, but the last couple of weeks I have been busily farting; day and night sitting, walking, hell, even sleeping. And here is the beauty part � they smell like food. Not shit, like a normal fart, but like things like, um, well last week one day my farts smelled like fruit -overly ripe fruit, not quite rotten. It was kind of a pleasant odor � fruity! I had to call K and let him know because I thought it was pretty impressive and interesting, so I called him and said, �Hey, I just farted and guess what it smelled like.� There was a short silence, then he said, �OK, what?� �Fruit!� I exclaimed, �Isn�t that weird?� �You�re weird,� He said. Ok, so maybe he wasn�t so easily impressed, but as the week went by, my farts changed character, like on Thursday, if I remember correctly, they smelled like Campbell�s vegetable soup! So amazing! And this morning they smelled like chow mein! I didn�t have Chinese food for supper, either, so there is no scientific explanation of this amazing phenomena. I continued to call K and let him know the latest odor-du-jour but he did not share my enthusiasm, so I am not updating him anymore. I think it is significant! I think it�s probably apropos of something huge! Maybe it is a precursor for, like, nirvana or something. Maybe I�m going to fucking ascend into heaven and this is one of the first signs, or something. And, no, I have not yet seen a likeness of Baby Jesus in my toasted bagel, but I sure am looking and then I could sell it on e-bay. Heh. In other news, my blood pressure was 160 over 100 this morning at the doctor�s office. That's high, FYI. Fuck. Me. I went to dr because my right eye was bloodshot and I had a sinus headache. I thought I had a sinus infection, but she seems to think I have high blood pressure and wants to put me on medication. Fuck. Me. I said, well, what if I come in every morning for a week and we see if my blood pressure is always high? She said OK, so I left with my prescriptions for antibiotic (just in case I DO have a sinus infection) and sythroid (which I have been out of for over a month and feeling just so god damned tired, but I thought I was just depressed about my brother). I am just such a fucked up patient. I do not do what the doctor tells me to do, I am cranky and want immediate results, I self-diagnose and expect the doctor to just agree with me and treat my diagnosis. Heh I must control this self-destructive behavior. It will probably be the death of me. Maybe fruity farts are a sign of high blood pressure�hrmmm. 3:40 p.m. - 2004-12-14 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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