metanoia's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Getting Older The air is heady with the scent of a million gardenias, all blooming at once. The weather is settling into it�s comfortable summer rhythm of warm nights, hot days, and an occasional thunderstorm (if you are lucky). As if to echo the profusion of gardenias, there are lightening bugs everywhere, as well. When I moved here to rural Georgia from LA, the lightening bugs were (and still are) magical beings to me, but when I voiced my amazement and wonder to a native Georgian woman, she said, �They are just more nasty bugs to me!� I guess it is all in the eye of the beholder� A word about getting older. I have found that when things, physical things, go wrong with me now, I attribute it not to �something�s wrong I better go to the doctor� but rather to �I guess I�m just getting older�. I think that this is not such a good thing and that I may just write off something to �getting older� when it really should be something that needs medical attention. I�ll die from something that was treatable because I just accepted that it was a condition of growing older. What got me to thinking morbidly (although I don�t need much provocation) was that the woman I work with has a mother who is in her 80�s. She had to take her mother to the doctor because she thought her bladder was dropping. Now, I knew about this stuff happening because, evidently, it is a rather common thing for older women. So she trucked her mom off to the doc. When she came back to work yesterday, she just looked at me and said, �I hate getting old.� I said, �Me, too. What�s up?� Then she told me it was not her mothers bladder that had �fallen�, it was the lining of her uterus. �AAAGH. Eeeewwww. Oh, my, God�, I said. Yeah. So, evidently this is also a common thing. NOBODY ever tells you this stuff. It ALWAYS comes as a complete surprise and you go in the doctor�s office with this startling news that may make a medical breakthrough and they will name the condition after you (or more likely your doctor), and you breathlessly relate the symptoms and the doctors says (in a jaded way) �Oh, yes, that is quite common.� Fuck. So, although this is gross, somebody had to document it for the lay community. That somebody is me. So, and then, what they do is fit you for a device that is inserted to hold it back in place � like a sleeve type of thing and you have to go every couple months and have it taken out to be � uh � cleaned. Oh. My. God. This is sooooo gross. Sooooo gross. So, K was grossed out too. Heh. I knew he would be. He says (after wretching a bit), so every couple of months the doctors says, �Ok, hop on up and spread �em. Hey do you shave your pussy or have you just lost all that hair?� Then he says, I guess all the pussies a doctor has to look at are not all cute. Hmmm. No. In fact I think you have to be a little weird to be a doctor. Ugh. The human condition. The physicality of being. �When The Body Breaks Down� a new horror film from Quentin Tarantino? Well, this was nice. Really, really nice. As an aside, K and son talked about the incident at the wedding reception. I can not say things are good between them, but at least they aired their feelings�. It is so hard for me because I love them both and they are both hurting and love each other but can�t find the way to peace with each other, yet. My prayers are for the future healing and forgiveness. It is all that I can do. 8:53 a.m. - 2004-06-10 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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