metanoia's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Emote! Emote! Recounting a litany of events is not much fun to write about. It is not a satisfying activity for me. Rather, I enjoy writing about my feelings and my reasons for those feelings. I always tell people to "listen to your gut", give credibility to your feelings. The heart will not lead you astray nearly as much as the brain. Go with what feels right to you and your regrets will be less. That is my philosophy and I try to live it. That is not to say you will never have a broken heart or sadness in your life, because everyone has that. It is more about being able to accept things that happen in a more mellow way. If you follow a path because your heart leads you there, no doubt there will be deep joy and contentment. Then, if or when bad things occur, you can draw upon that depth of contentment and assuage the heartache. Maybe that's it. Overall, my trip to Calif for sons wedding was wonderful. After the sadness of the reception, Palm Springs was a joy. It was a haven and a salvation. I had a great vacation. Son threw a fit at reception, aimed at K and my ex was making remarks about DNA and K felt so left out and then son accused K of eating his piece of cake on purpose, when son placed that piece of cake at K's place setting and K just thought it was for him. Son just went off and made a very ugly scene. Hurt K's feelings so deeply, I do not know if there will ever be a repair there. This brings such sadness to me. I am concerned that we will never have much of a relationship with the new couple (son and wife) and we will just drift apart... Such a deep sadness for me. Maybe this is why it has been hard for me to write about what happened in Calif. More than likely. Now, son keeps talking about cutting the apron strings! Like I had any left! He must be holding on to some strings that are not attached to anything. I always felt I raised him with such an open hand and allowed him to feel his own way through things. I mean, my God, if anything I felt I should have "mothered" him a little more. I spoke to him on the phone about 8 times last year and saw him maybe 5 times. Is that too much? My God. I don't know what to say to him about this, or whether I will even broach the subject. fuckity fuck. So, it's Friday and that's good. K and I usually go to a little place and have a cappucino after work to kind of wind down from the week and chat a bit. It's kind of like a mini-date to me. I have his attention without having to wait for the commercials. heh. But last week it took about 15 minutes to get our caps and then I had to complain to the manager and the little guy brought us our money back to the table and we said, "Man, keep it. We don't want the money. We want the service. You need to crack the whip with these people." New, young manager. Poor little thing. So, today, we are going to a happy hour instead. Maybe we can try to find a two for one happy hour in this little burg. Maybe. 9:03 a.m. - 2004-06-04 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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