metanoia's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Rambling and Vague I have a selective memory. I choose to remember some things, and others I choose to forget. Except that sometimes the "forgotten" things pop up again; times in my life I would rather forget and things I have said and done I wish had never happened. Regrets. I do not enjoy these things. I look at the girl I once was and shake my head. I was shallow, thinking I was deep; naive, thinking I was sophisticated; rude, thinking myself honest; self-centered, thinking I was ego-free. In other words, I was a fool -- a fools fool. I have made what I call mistakes. I have done things that were counter-productive to my well being and my personal growth. I have been a bitch and a rationalizing fool. When these memories that I wish to forget come up, I push them aside because they are too painful to confront. It has been my experience that confronting demons in your life is something that must be done. And, when one finally screws up the courage to confront them, they turn out to be much less of a beast than one imagines. I should try to look at these times in my life and forgive myself. I say I have forgiven myself, but I don't believe deep down that I have. What a rambling, vague entry this is. Kind of like me. 2:23 p.m. - 2004-04-08 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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