metanoia's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Good times, bad woman Well, before I forget, I want to write about two things that came up for me. One is about the fun times I had with my mother on Friday nights, scoping out my fathers favorite bars to get his paycheck before he spent it all. The other is about how wonderful my ex mother in law - wasn't. I guess when K and I were talking about how his dad is an alcoholic and how hard he had it as a child, it brings up things for me I either repressed or just forgot. I hated Friday nights. My father did not come home more often than he did. My mother needed the money to pay the bills and so we would start looking for him when he didn't show up at dinner time. First, she would call his favorite bars. They knew her and sometimes would lie for my dad and say he was not there. Other times, she would have me call the bar. "Is my daddy there?", I would ask. I guess she thought they might not lie to a child, but I am sure they probably did. I think she was trying to shame him for doing what he was doing. I believe the man lived with more shame than he could handle, and that was one of the reasons he drank. So this ploy, was just shame overload and I doubt it did any good. If the phone ploy did not work, we would get in the car to scout around the most probably places. When we would begin to find him too often, he would change bars. Sometimes I would go in with my mother. What a scene. She would get some of the money, but not nearly enough I am sure. Most of the time I would wait in the car. Sometimes my dad would come out and we would all go home together, because he was too drunk to drive. He was always very affectionate and happy to see me when he would get in the car. But I had been prepped and hyped and I hated him for what he was doing, because I knew it was wrong. My mother told me so. My father and I were not close. He was emotionally distant, except when he was drunk. I can remember only about 5 times (if that many) we connected on any level.... So, Friday nights were shit. My ex mother in law does not want to have anything to do with my son. He is 30 years old. My ex and I split when son was 10 months old. The ex mother in law/grandma says that it is a two way street and son never made the effort to get to know her so it is just too late to do anything about it. Like it was a childs responsibility to get the relationship going and on track. Phffft! She is a sour, old, unforgiving woman who has taught me the value of forgiveness. She will rot alone. My ex and she have only recently reconciled and are on speaking terms. I hate her on the one hand for writing off my beautiful son. Someone who would have given her joy just to know him. But her selfish, unforgiving attitude has sentenced her to a lonely, empty old age. Good. Just as an example of this womans mind set. The year ex and I divorced, she had him ask me to give her back the last birthday present she gave me! She asked for the present - back. Unbelievable. And ex, bless his heart, finally said, "I think you were right, she never liked you." Ha! No surprise to me, there. But the sheer rudeness of asking for the gift back. Hmmmph. Of course, I gave it to her. Lousy old whore. She can rot (and is rotting) in hell. 9:52 a.m. - 2004-03-02 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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