metanoia's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Shopping for a dress When I was a little girl, I slept on my face. I slept on my face with my nose pointed up. I slept on my face with my nose pointed up so that it would not point down. I did not want my nose to be downward pointing. The girl across the street had a nose that pointed downward. I lived in fear my nose would do the same. So I slept on my face with my nose pointed up. I would wake up each morning with a red crease in my nose � very uncomfortable. My mother was appalled and worried about my sanity. And, I suppose, well she should have been. But my nose does not point downward to this day, and I credit those months, that year, that I slept on my face. I am going shopping tomorrow for a dress to wear to sons wedding. I have no idea what I will find or even what I want. I am going with the old standby �When I see it, I will know� which is a very dangerous gambit, but sometimes rewarding. Maybe I will see a dressy suit, or a full length gown, or a tea length flouncy thing. K is going with me to make sure what I buy is sufficiently whore-y looking. I have no idea where his mind is about this, but, then, yes, I do. Low cut, skin tight, in black with maybe a little slit up the side and some lace showing, black fishnet stockings and four inch black leather shoes. Or maybe red leather. So. I know I probably won�t buy anything tomorrow, but I am hoping to get an idea and if I find something, I�ll just have them hold it and go buy it on Monday without the porno king. Planning the rehearsal dinner from 3,000 miles away is rather a challenge. Luckily, I am very philosophical about gatherings. My philosophy is, � you do what you can with what you have to work with, put it out there, enjoy your guests and allow them to enjoy themselves� and sometimes trying to stick to a rigid plan is not the way to go for fun. So, I�m not sweating it much, yet. The wedding is not until May�. We were not able to sell the old computer. We WERE able to give it away, though. And we found a family that did not have one and the daughter is 11 years old and it is a single mom household. So I feel really good about it. It was an old computer, but still serviceable and will be great as a first computer. I will probably come up with some old software (games and shit) when I finally clean out my computer corner of ghastly proportions. I find that I write about my childhood a lot and things that happened in the past. Why, I wonder. Although, each time I look at things, my perspective is a little different. Does my perspective change because of what has happened to me in the meantime, or is it from constant examination? More than likely, it is a combination of the two. Maybe I do not write too much of what is happening right now because it is too real. I know there is a fear there. I just don�t quite know why the fear is there. My life now lacks a lot of the drama that was there before, as well, and I have a deep peace that causes me to be matter-of-fact about things I would have fussed about a few years back. Age and living have given me a perspective that allows me to understand the impermanence of everything and the desire to enjoy everything just as it exists right now. Of course, on another level, that is all bullshit and I am still not happy with the color of the kitchen. 9:01 a.m. - 2004-02-13 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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