metanoia's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Maybe that was what I was thinking I find scraps of paper all the time with ideas scribbled on them. Ideas which are only partially formed and are sometimes only fragments or, worse, single words. Words I write to remind myself of the fully formed, poignant and perfectly phrased thought floating in my mind. "Oh", I think, "This one word will bring this whole thought flooding back in it's beautifulness and richness." Then I find the scrap with the one word and I think, "What the hell was I thinking? What does this mean? I kind of remember .. something .. I, uh, oh fuck it." Then I throw it away. Or I keep it in my nightstand drawer for years and years, hoping that the thought will come around again when I view that one, significant word. Usually not. But hope springs eternal, thankfully. I found one of my scraps yesterday in my office desk drawer. It said, "Life is a lonely enterprise." Yes, it is. That's it. Nothing else quite comes to me at the moment. At the time I wrote it, I must have been feeling lonely in a big world. Perhaps I felt nobody understood me or ever felt the way I did at that moment. Maybe I thought that although we can have many people in our lives, people who alternately give support, guidance, love, heartache, pain, companionship, and general bullshit, we still remain a lone being, housed in our own little bodies while working through all the drama, crises and issues in our lives by ourselves. Even though we can receive advice and concern from others, it remains our own duty to ourselves to figure out what we can do about something and then do it. We may be unemployed and others may sympathize and make suggestions, but it is up to each of us to get out of bed, get dressed and look for a job. We must provide our own impetus. It can be spurred and supported by others, but in the final accounting, it is our personal responsibility to actually DO something. Maybe that is what I was thinking. 9:51 a.m. - 2003-10-23 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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