metanoia's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Truth fact dichotomy There is a difference between fact and truth. A dichotomy that is not apparent at first glance. While a fact may describe an occurence or a physical state and show what "is" on the surface, the truth is the meat and marrow of the situation or event. My nephew, Dan, called again last weekend. Hearing his tired, whiny, poor me voice on the other end of the line was like a swift kick in the face to me. It was like I was injected with a thousand tons of valium mixed with carpet tacks. I dreaded this call. I had spoken to my brother about an hour before and he had just spoken with Dan and he said Dan had hung up on him. He also mentioned he was glad Dan hung up because he didn't want to talk to him anymore either, and would have hung up on Dan very soon. The gist of it was that Dan's wife was not raped, as she had said before. Rather, she was having an extra marital relationship which included unprotected sexual contact. Dan and his wife Sally are now going to "keep" the baby because she wants to have it. The first iteration was they were going to abort it, then it was going full term and putting it up for adoption, and now they are keeping it to raise as their own. My brother is 72 years old and not real patient, and thinks very little of Dan and his life choices and so, let him know in no uncertain terms that he thought Dan should divorce, move on with his life and also proceeded to tell him how skanky his wife Sally is. heh Really, if you don't want to know what somebody thinks about you, you shouldn't ask. So, Dan calls me next... He wants to know what I think of his decision. I told him I thought it was his life and his decision and if he was OK with it that was all that mattered. He said he was not sure if he was OK with it. I said, well then change your decision. He then began defending his decision, and I again told him I didn't give a rollling rats ass what he did because it was his life and he had to live it. He kept pressing me to approve or disapprove of his decision, but I held fast to what I said because that is what I really believe. I love him, but his decisions must be his own. I do not want to be responsible for his life. I barely want to be responsible for my own! I did tell him that if I were in his situation I would do a few things. I would notify the biological father and let him know he had a child coming into the world. I think that it is only fair to give a person a chance to participate in their childs life. I also said that if the guy was a scumbag who did not want to take any responsibility for it, just the knowledge that he was liable for child support would make him very nervous. heh That's the mean part of me. But, in any case I told him that is what I would do, and actually I would go ahead and get a support order in place because Dan is not working and his lovely wife Sally is not working and they are living on his unemployment benefits which will not last forever and the child deserves all the opportunities it can get for support one way or the other. But Dan does not even want the guy to know about it, so... OK. Not my life. But I feel I gave him something to think about. I also told him if they do keep the child, I would love it and treat it as my own great niece or nephew and never let it feel second best or unwanted. God knows, it is coming into the world with the cards stacked against it. A child brings with it the responsibility to love it and care for it the best we can. Children teach us to be unselfish and forgiving. Many do not learn this lesson, to the detriment of themselves and, to a greater extent, their children. So the facts remain above. The truth is more difficult to pinpoint. Maybe the truth lies within each of us and is different for each of us and that is why it is so hard for us to see each others "truth". Maybe we have to find that personal truth in order to be OK with our own decisions and thoughts. I pray Dan finds his personal truth about this. 9:17 a.m. - 2003-10-15 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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