metanoia's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The chase Yesterday, I had a day. One of those days where things don't exactly go wrong, but they just build up. Things happen that bludgeon you with a large sledge hammer. Beat a person down, down, down into some kind of submission. I had been going along, living my life. Feeling optimistic and real. Thinking that I could go anywhere, accomplish anything, know all. Then yesterday happened. I previously closed this credit card account because they were going to raise my rate for some vague (and false!) reason. (You know, they really do not need any reason at all to raise your rates. It is an entirely subjective decision. Their rules and regulations regarding the rates they charge are amorphous and subject to any whim. You, as borrower, have very little, if any recourse.) Well, for some reason after I closed this account in order to keep my interest rate the same, I missed a payment. Now I do not miss payments on purpose. I do not believe I ever received a bill. I know, it's my responsibility to get the payment there on time whether I receive a statement or not. But the statement is my trigger, and the trigger didn't fire for whatever reason. So they raised my rate to 23.99!!!!!! Boom. Big, big ol' sledgehammer to my head. I called the credit card company. The guy was not crappy to me, that much I have to say. I appreciated that he was nice, brutally honest with no good news and really not a lot of help, but he was nice about it. They MAY review the account in 6 months and MAY lower it at that time. No, my past history of never being late or anything has nothing to do with anything at this point. He realized it may not have been my fault that the payment did not arrive, but could do nothing at this point. He must have taken pity on me, and recommended that I try to transfer the balance to a lower percentage card if I could. He stated that since I closed this account, it was unlikely that they would lower the interest rate - ever. OF COURSE, they could increase it if they felt like it. I hung up feeling so powerless. So hopeless. So inferior. Like I had been sent to the corner for being bad and there was nothing I could do about it, and even if I had done nothing wrong, well too bad because that's just the way it goes for people like me. That kind of bad. I opened the next letter. It was a medical bill I was expecting, but I thought my insurance covered most of it. WRONG. Bill for $293 for minor, in-office surgery. Stay in that corner, and wear this pointy hat, bitch. My ears were ringing at this point. I felt like I was sinking. Next I opened the car insurance invoice. It was over $100 more than I was expecting it to be. Ungh! A hard punch to the stomach. I crawl back to the corner. I begin to believe I belong in this corner. Maybe a few pillows and a nice stool here, maybe a few books.... it could be nice. Shut up and quit dreaming. You can't afford any fucking pillows... I feel a little better today. I will be calling other cards to see what kind of a balance transfer deal they can give me. But, still, I hate that I can be taken down so easily. And part of me feels that the credit card companies take a little pleasure in keeping me down. Raping me at every opportunity, then offering to lend me money to buy pillows for my corner, at 23.99 percent, of course, with the option of raising the percentage whenever they damned well please. 10:06 a.m. - 2003-04-02 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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