metanoia's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Advice People think I give good advice. I am caring and thoughtful and supportive. But, IMO, my advice is like a premature birth. A little underweight, scrawny and just not quite fleshed out. I always think it through AFTER the advice is given and ALWAYS think, "Oh crap. I hope they don't take my advice. I should have said (fill in the blank) instead of whatever off-the-cuff, out-of-my-ass idea that happened to be running through my mind at the moment." A case in point: K and I had a little house on the Colorado River when we lived in LA. It was a great little getaway from the madness, and we frequented it almost every weekend. At least twice a month. Our house was located in a little "trailer park" community called Found River, where many "snowbirds" parked their motorhomes during the winter months, and a few strange souls made it their full time, year round home. It seemed like a little piece of yesteryear heaven. The long road leading through the scrub of the desert into Found River was barely lit by incandescent, 50 watt bulbs placed every hundred feet or so. I always felt like I was going back in time when we entered the place, and that was fine to me. I needed the slow pace and the down time. Well, we got to know the "neighbors" and the ones who had a place across the road from us were Mike and Bonnie. They were about our age and Mike and K shared the same profession. We hung out with them on many occasions when it happened we were both visiting our "vacation" homes on the same weekend. Well, one day Bonnie comes over while I am weeding my little garden patch out front and we start talking. Just the old how-ya-doin, nice-weather-we're-havin type of garbage until Bonnie starts talking about how life with Mike is so boring and she feels like life is passing her by and she does not feel desirable or viable and she is so depressed, etc. So I say, "Well, you could have an affair. That would perk you up and prove to you that you were attractive, and maybe put a little spark back into your life..." And Bonnie gives me this weird look and says, "Yes. I suppose I could try that." Then she goes back to how nice the weather has been lately and her daughter is expecting another baby, etc. Later that evening, I sat with beer in hand by The River and remembered the conversation. I thought, crap - that was stupid advice to give to somebody. I hope she does not take that advice. I should have encouraged her to go to counseling and work through whatever was bothering her. But no, I just went for the stream-of-consciousness advice thing. Can you see where this is going? A couple of months went by and we did not see Mike and Bonnie. We asked King (our busybody full time resident neighbor) if he knew what was going on with them. He said he didn't know but Mike called him and asked him to keep an eye on the place for awhile. (Ha! King kept an eye on EVERYBODY'S place whether they asked him to or not.) Well a few more months went by and one day we saw Mike over at his place, so K went over to say hi. K came back about 2 hours later with a somber look on his face. Evidently Bonnie left Mike. She had met somebody new and moved out. HOLY SHIT! My mind raced back to that day in front of the house and my wonderful advice. I must have looked pretty pale as I felt all the blood drain from my face. K said, what's wrong? I said, Nuthin. But, baby, inside I was reeling. Oh, fuck, I thought. Oh. Fuck. Now, maybe she was already doing somethin and she looked at me funny because I recommended she do what she was already doin. Maybe that's it. Or MAYBE she was playing with the idea and I knocked her right over the edge with my wonderful advice. Or maybe she hadn't thought of it at all until I placed the lovely thought in her head. So, anyway, that is only one of a series of wonderful advice stories that I may or may not share now and again. And, really, this is the first time I have shared this with anybody. I have felt so guilty. It feels good to get it off my chest. So, if you are having any problems and need some advice, please feel free to email me or leave me a note. 9:46 a.m. - 2003-03-31 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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