metanoia's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Burning dreams As the people who have been huge influences in my life are peeling away like a healing sunburn, I am beginning to question who I am and why I am and what. I. am. I am this way because of E. I am that way because of D. I think this because of my mother. I fear this because of my father. Blah, blah, blah. All of the above are true, but do they deserve the right to keep me chained to the person I have become? And if not this person, then who am I? These are the questions I am wrestling with, making out with, going for a ride with. E. just died last month. And with her death, I changed. Or rather, began questioning whether I am the person I wish to be. The answer is no. The next question is the kicker. Well, then, who is the person I want to be? So the change has begun, but has no direction. I have at least figured out what I need to do at this point. I need to identify the baggage and discard what I no longer need. I need to re-evaluate my dreams and really know if they are my dreams, or parroted versions of what others have wanted for me. Either way, it needs to be done. The old dreams need to be discarded and replaced with new ones. Ones that belong only to me (whoever that is). Perhaps we are shaped and defined by our dreams. Perhaps they are what make us who we are. So until I finish this process, the discarding of old dreams, I will not be able to define who I am. Let the dream burning begin. Which one will be first? I have an idea, but I will do a little more thinking on it, a little more prayer on it and get back to you. Pax. 8:51 a.m. - 2003-03-24 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||