metanoia's Diaryland Diary

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If I could stop crying

If i could stop crying, I would
if i stopped crying
would it do any good?

the pain keeps me company
it fills the hole, you see
the hole that rends my very core
it ripped when he said, "no more"

Now, my heart is fast filling with salty tears, replacing sweet blood and forcing my body to live in an anesthetized briny sea. I vacillate between deep pain and deadened nothingness. Empty, aching.

Oh, I know maybe I'll stop crying someday. I just don't know that I will want to. Maybe I won't. I will always cry when I think of him. I know I will always cry.

The end is as I saw it - in a flash - the moment he spoke my name... and yet I would do it all again, bear the heartache, even though I don't understand why I would willingly expose my heart to the pain. But it was my heart that was making the decisions and I, I just went along for a wonderful, thrilling, delicious ride. I would do it again. No regrets.

So, if I could stop crying, I would. But, it wouldn't really do any good.

11:36 a.m. - 2006-02-14

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