metanoia's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Cataclysm and Meth Cataclysmic events in life can be daily occurrences. We don�t like cataclysmic events, so we structure our lives to prevent/circumvent these occurrences. Sometimes they make it through �the net�. Who we are as people, the person we become, although ever-changing and in flux, we keep certain things and the �we� of us stays pretty much the same. How we deal with these cataclysms shapes our fundamental structure. Sometimes things happen, and we have to sacrifice a part of who we are in order to �save� the whole. We usually use the emotional person inside us. We throw our emotional selves in front of the cataclysm train and run the other way, as our emotions are splattered on the tracks, the entire gamut of emotions splayed around like so much flak from a Molotov cocktail. The pieces that remain on the still-speeding train, are lost forever; no use chasing it down to try to pry off the detritus. Most times, we pick through the wreckage and try to salvage some emotions. We place them gingerly within us and try to protect them as best we can through the healing process. Sometimes, we just leave them in their protective cocoon forever, too afraid to endure the pain of exposure. We become emotionally stunted if we do this. Emotions can regenerate, but only in an environment of openness and courage; these are the building blocks of emotions. To love we have to be emotionally courageous, to let our feelings be exposed to the light and resign ourselves that, yes, perhaps they will be damaged, but it is worth the gamble. Other people can help us regenerate our emotions. Sometimes they help us without knowing they are helping, and doing it in inexplicable ways, but only if we have opened up enough to allow the healing. I am grateful, eternally, to all those who have helped me to heal, whether it was their intention or not. My nephew called last night for comfort. Unfortunately, K answered the phone instead of me. So, instead of comfort and encouragement he go straight shooting, no nonsense, practical advice. I am sure it was grueling. K was on the phone for over an hour; talking nephew through his pain and self-deception. He ended by saying something like, ��and start praying, God-dammit.�; that�s pure K, right there. Nephew�s wife is a meth head. She comes back to him for little bits of time, only to leave and go back to the place where she gets her drugs. K asked him how he thought she was paying for the drugs, and nephew said they were just giving them to her or she was stealing from them and using that money to pay for it. K alluded (not subtly) that there were certain ways that a girl can �pay� for her drugs. She told nephew she would be back on Friday - that she just needed time to think about their relationship, K let him know in no uncertain terms this was bullshit. It is a dark lonely road loving someone who is an addict, I pray my nephew finds the courage to save himself. I end with a K quote: �When you lose hope and life is ugly every day, drugs can make your life seem so much better, but only when you�re high�The only problem is you have to do them every 20 minutes.� LOL 9:11 a.m. - 2006-01-10 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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