metanoia's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Home Alone Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been 77 days since my last entry. I just knew that when I couldnt write at work, I wouldn't write at all. O shit, O dear. I did not realize how much I would miss writing about my mundane life and crazy thoughts and feelings. I miss it a lot. My brain is so active in the morning ride to work. I could write them down when they were fresh in my mind, usually. Now, I think of things I want to write about and feelings I want to explore and I have to put them on hold and say to myself, 'oh, I'll have to remember that and write about it later' and of course I forget and do not write at all.... Having said that, I should be brimming, just brimming, with things to say, but no. My muse is a perverse taskmistress. She only appears when it is next to impossible to write. I am 'home alone' this morning because K is at work this am. It is a funny thing about my time. I feel as though this time with myself is such a luxury. What to do with myself? I want it to be meaningful and special and restorative. How precious it is to me. And so I log in to diaryland, and btw I had to have them email me my password it has been so long since I have been here. And I write a little bit about nothing and it feels great. I should write more. Along with wanting to update my dland diary, I also want to play Sims, which how the hell is that meaningful and nurturing? But it would be nice to play without someone in the other room wanting me to be there just as a warm body watching mind-numbing TV... I'm allowed just a tiny gripe, aren't I? We are going to Hilton Head! I am so excited. Just a little weekend jaunt, but my God I need a change of scene. I had hoped to use my Amex membership points to pay for a room, but I just didn't have enough points. They so screw you with those points sometimes. The hotel chain "partners" only redeem the points in a three to one ratio, so you end up with one-third less points. Then they charge huge points for a room. So, so free stay for me.... sad. I worry about spending money on shit like that but then I don't because recreation and time away is important to a persons mental health, right? Right. Son and wife bought a condo and we helped them move last weekend. It was something of a nightmare: it was misting rain, they lived two flights up, they moved to a three story loft thing so everything was at least one flight up, but very often two flights up. So it was like, get a box, walk two flights down, walk thru rain to truck, walk up two flights, get box, walk down two flights, walk thru rain, etc. for about 2 hours. THEN, get box, walk thru rain, walk up one or two flights of stairs, put box (or piece of furniture) down, walk down stairs, walk thru rain to truck, get box, etc. for another couple of hours. My quads, my butt muscles, my calves, my feet, my hamstrings, oh. my. god. But that was last weekend. This weekend I have half a day to my very own self... what to do... I have to say this feels good, writing. It feels really good. I will try to remember this feeling and try to find a way to write more often. 7:40 a.m. - 2005-08-06 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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