metanoia's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1.8 lbs Went to a Burns Supper last Friday Night. The organizers asked me to give the welcome speech. EEEEEEEE! NOOOOOOOO! Not getting up in front of people and speaking! I would rather eat barf. Well, maybe not that bad. Anyway, as I hung up the phone I realized that I had said YES! What!? Who was that on the phone with that woman? It couldn't have been me because I know how much I fear and loath getting up in front of people - even people I know - to say anything at all and here I had just said OK, I'll do the welcome speech. WTF? I amaze myself sometimes. So, I did it. And it was hell. And nobody noticed that I was frightened out of my skin. One person said they liked it. What is wrong with these people? How can they not know how fucked up it was and how I was sooooo afraid? Gah. Anyway, it's over and I will try to be more vigilant in my phone conversations with women who are talented at rounding up volunteers for things. I KNOW I was snookered. She did it, and did it well. Finessed me right into saying "Sure, I'll do the welcome, no problem. How long you want me to speak. Piece of cake." Or whatever the hell I said, cause I don't remember until after I hung up the phone and the cold, sick, clammy feeling poured over me like Gatorade on a coach at a championship game. Gah. But it's over now. All over. I did it and it's over. I went to the doctor today. I gained 1.8 lbs since my last visit a month ago. Fuck a duck. I am going to get serious now. I'm so pissed at my body I could spit. How DARE it put on weight like that while I wasn't looking? Well, I'm looking now and buddy it better watch it's step. I'm just horrified. So, after they weighed me, they took my blood pressure. Uh, High? Hello? I gained 1.8 lbs. Yes, I'm pissed. Oh the fuck well. So, I've decided not to eat for about a month and see if I lose any weight. I'm very skeptical. I'll probably gain 1.8 lbs even not eating. crap. crap. crap. Well, this has degenerated into a whine fest, hasn't it? The vet came out yesterday to look at Jitterbug's eyes. She is going blind and the word was not good. We will more than likely have to 'put her down' fairly soon. So sad, she is 21 yrs old, but in great shape, except she is going blind and can't see shit and it is so dangerous for her. My dear Jitterbug, the first horse I ever had and one of the best I have ever known. 3:22 p.m. - 2005-01-25 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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