metanoia's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My brother is dead, Part I My brother died of natural causes. My brother died amidst unusual circumstances. My brother died while raging against the injustice of hospice care. My brother died while fighting for another breath which his emphysema was stealing away. My brother died. My. It is hard for me to accept. I question why I am not grieving as much as I think I should be. I wonder if I will just break down and fall apart someday in the future, a delayed reaction of grief. I do not know. My sister-in-law called me on the evening of November 5 to say my brother was in hospice and terminally ill and was asking for me. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I began looking for flights to California. I emailed the 'family' what little there is left of it. Although she told me there were no phones in the rooms, I called the facility on Saturday in hopes of finding out something - anything - more. They would tell me nothing, according to California law only the spouse gets info regarding a patient. I asked if they would take a phone to him, and they did. He was fairly delirous on Morphine and the reason he wanted to see me is he wanted me to get him out of there. I told him they wouldn't even talk to me so how did he think they would let me take him out. He said he had proof they were trying to kill him and it was in his drawer but someone stole it. I stopped looking for a flight. I emailed family that he sounded healthy and not on his last legs. Sister-in-law called me Saturday afternoon to say my brother was going to Utah with his daughter. This is interesting and bizaare for several reasons, but the most obvious one is that I never knew he had a daughter. I asked what her name was and she said Lynn. I asked what her last name was and she said, "I'm not really sure, dear." I asked what their addres was and she said she did not have it. In fact she said she did not have much contact information for them at all. I emailed family to let them know of the latest development and thanked my lucky stars I hadn't gotten a flight because he would not have been there, anyway. I will write more later on this. It just gets more bizarre, but I just don't have the time right now. 4:26 p.m. - 2004-11-18 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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