metanoia's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Talking cars, secret clubs My car tells me I am low on gas with a little noise, kind of like a beep but more like a gong - a bong, if you will. It always scares the hell out of me. I'll be driving along and out of the blue BONG! "!@#$$% What the hell!?", I'll say. Then I think, "Oh. Gas. Crap, that's scary." But, at least it doesn't talk to me. I rented a car many moons ago that would talk instead of making sounds. "Please close the door!" it said in a seductive female type voice. "Please secure the lock." "Your gas tank is empty." "You're following too close!" "You're driving like a maniac! Slow down." "What is wrong with you? Let me out of the car, you'll kill us all!" Those talking cars, I can't stand them. Whiny-assed bastards. So, I am out of gas. That's news. I got the new Sims expansion pack - Superstar! I am having fun with that. I am not doing very well with the making friends thing. My real world spills over into my virtual reality. A cruel joke from Electronic Arts. I have a hard time making friends. Or maybe that is not quite accurate. I guess I make friends OK, it's just keeping them that give me a problem. Don't get me wrong. I like people just as much as I hate them. But I accept them even though they are not perfect - like me. (half-joking) So I have few or no friends IRL and now I can't make any in Sims either. Crap. Maybe there is a cheat somewhere that shows how to get friends in Sims so I can climb the ladder of fame and fortune. I am not above cheating to get friends. Even as a child, I did not make friends easily. There was a girl who lived across the street and one would think we could have been friends, but she shunned me. Around the time of 5th grade "secret clubs" were all the rage. ("Psst! I'm in a secret club!" "Ooooh. I wish I was.") To me, a secret club was just about the best thing in the whole world. I dreamed of being a spy or working for the FBI/CIA, and those are kind of like secret clubs. But I digress. Yes, I do. Anyway, I noticed that several girls were going over to her house in a "secret" way (I dunno how I knew, trust me. Maybe I had her house under surveillance, practicing for my career as a spy...) So I go over later and say to her, "Carla, I know you have a secret club, and I will tell EVERYBODY about it unless you let me in the club." Well, she let me in! I was in a secret club!!! Yay!! I had friends!!!! Friends who hated me because I blackmailed my way into their secret club! But, no matter. I was in a secret club. Boy. How I got in didn't really matter to me at first. At the time, I think that was one of the happiest days of my little life. Then they all started being crappy to me because I wanted to be treasurer and they told me they didn't really like me and I was only in the club because I said I would tell, (insert any other cruel kid-type comments here). So, I kind of said I don't want to be in the club anymore and they said good. I figured I'd start my own secret club, but I didn't have any friends, so that didn't work very well. So. Wow. I was in a secret club! Kids are weird. But not as weird as adults. I am a perfume nut. I love perfume. If you give me money and say, buy clothes or shoes or perfume, I'll buy perfume or fragrance or whatever. There are scents I will always love. There was one I wore in the early 1970's called Bigarade by Nina Ricci. All of a sudden it was gone. I still miss it. Wah. What else? I got here so late today, My Boss got here before I did! And, baby, he is soooo verrrrry late every day. So, I was even sooooo verrrry later. Ah, well. I usually beat him in. I finally went through Elizabeth's box. Inside was a little thing I made her out of clay for mother's day when I was probably 7 or 8. But the point is I went through the box instead of avoiding it. So, now my brother's box and Elizabeth's box are empty and gone, just like they are. I began to wonder, what will be in my box when I die? What will someone choose to represent me and send to someone as a "memento" or "keepsake" of me? The things I love in my world that I invest alot of my energy to, are not necessarily apparent to anyone but myself. Hell, they might choose that pair of earrings I can't stand but keep in my jewelry box anyway just 'cause I keep meaning to go through it a get rid of them but never do. I really don't want someone to look at those earrings and think, "Oh. These were hers and she loved them and so I will cherish this." And I will be saying, "NO! I hated those. Put them down. Throw them out!" But they won't be able to hear me because I am dead. I better go home and get rid of those earrings. I think I will also think of people I love and who love me and specify certain items for them. Am I a control freak for wanting that? I just want them to have something I really cared about. I want their keepsake to be "true". I sure am a funny girl. The thing I value most in this world is truth and I tried to lie and blackmail my way into friendship. Of course, I wouldn't do that anymore. I am pretty sure I wouldn't, anyway. 8:55 a.m. - 2003-08-05 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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