metanoia's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Truth and My Crappy Diary I always want the bare bones truth, at least I think I do�. No, I really do. To me, truth is tied to our existence. It is existence in its purest form. Lay it out before me, bare boned, raw and ugly. That�s the way I like my truth. The gut wrenching, wretched repulsive truth to me is more beautiful than a well-crafted lie. Hurt me with the truth. Pour it over me like hot acid. Let me feel its pain and passion. Just give it to me. Give me truth. Art is truth. Music is truth. The best of it is pure, confrontational, evocative, seductive, comforting, inviting, passionate. Passion is truth. You cannot be passionate with out it. Having sex, making love, fucking - whatever you call it - is an act of truth, whether we intend it to be or not. You cannot be an active participant in sex and not be truthful. I know some will say they have been deceptive during lovemaking, I don�t deny this can often be the case. However, lies are sins against self, so by trying to deceive you are really deceiving yourself, and denying yourself truth and passion and a little glimpse of eternity, of life�s essence. Some people have a tendency to make things more complex than they really are. I prefer to strip things down to the basis - the truth. Some people place so many layers upon their truth it is hard to distinguish. Like a seed covered by a hundred coats, one sees only coats. But remove the coats, one by one, and you come closer to the seed, the kernel of truth that exists as the basis of the pile. Sometimes it�s not worth the time to remove the coats. Sometimes you just have to say, �Nice coat.� and be done with it. Sometimes even when you see the truth, you still have to say, �Nice coat.� because the truth you see is your truth, but the owner of that truth does not want to confront it. The owner of the truth wants a coat. I guess what I�m saying is, give them the coat. Let them have the coat. Of course, for someone who likes things simple, this is a very complex theory! ha! I read others diaries and I am so humbled. Such wonderful writing, such vibrant imaginations, and unabashed confidence they have! I have none of that. I say I am writing for myself, but I don�t know if that is totally true (speaking of truth) It would be nice to share my thoughts. I do not know if anyone reads me, except for msguided. And it is not important, although it might be nice. I just don�t know about this. I compare my diary! How sad is that? I don�t feel my diary is good enough! Gah I must do that with everything in my fucking life. Now this thing I began with dewy eyes and brilliant dreams is somehow not good enough because I deem others diaries better than mine. I am so screwed up. I want my diary to be better - no - to be best! And for all the world to read it and know it and love it and embrace it and I will be able to write it like a snarky little chatty letter to a close friend and share private jokes and we will all live happily ever after. I guess I secretly want to be queen of the world, and really, if everyone were like me the world would be a perfect place. The end. 9:26 a.m. - 2003-05-23 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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