metanoia's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Paying Bills & A Perfect Poem I sometimes get so depressed about money or the lack of it. Of all the credit cards bills I owe and my mismanagement of my finances. I just get to the point where I put off paying the bills, even though that is the worst thing to do. It is almost like I have to scale an insurmountable obstacle in order to sit down and write out the checks. It is not that I do not have the money to make the payment. It is more like I have to confront my excesses. Why do I live my life like there is no tomorrow? Tomorrow comes, and I am further in debt. This is not how I feel all the time, just sometimes. Just sometimes I want it all to just go away and let me live my life and spend whatever I want whenever I want and just be childlike with no tomorrow. No confronting the debt. I woke this morning with a poem in my head. It was wonderful and perfect but the more I woke up, the more of the poem I lost. I remember wanting to remember it, and looking for a pen to write it down (in my dream). When I finally woke completely, I had only fragments - a slight phrase, a vague idea. Nothing much remained of my �perfect� poem. I am going to try to replicate it, or at least work on writing it again - this time consciously. I�ve done this before on occasion. Once I dreamed of a piece of music. It was beautiful, but as I awoke it disintegrated and I was left with nothing, not even a part of the melody. I had only the memory that it existed. I get such a sense of loss when this happens. I wish I could hold on to these parts of myself. I have never dreamed of that song again. I wonder if anyone else dreams music? I wonder if they can get up and write it down� That poem, part of it was: something, something, lesson to learn something something, something, earn something something, something, something something, something, something something, something, something something, something, something something, something, something be something, something, love endlessly There. Isn�t it perfect? 12:57 p.m. - 2003-05-07 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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