metanoia's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I swim in a stream of consciousness A friend wondered, �Do we ever really know another person?� and I have wondered this, too. Sometimes I think I have figured it out, and usually the answer is, NO. I don�t think you can know someone else, until they know themselves; until their �presentation� to the world is consistent with some internal set of values. Speaking for myself, and that is the only person I ever speak for because that is such a huge can of worms, I am constantly changing. I am constantly finding things out about myself, hating them or loving them, and then either trying to change them or embracing them. So how the hell can anyone know me when I don�t really know myself from one moment to the next? I have to assume that other people are like me, or at least some other people are like me. I think there are people in the world that live their lives like dogs or cats or worms. They just live along blissfully just living, not examining their actions or motives or analyzing the underlying morals or ethics or values. They just live. I think that is what we all should do, just � live. Quit worrying and fussing and trying to fit things that don�t and be things that will matter little in the few years until we die. It�s a zen thing. Ah, but even these people we can not know. Because they have no pattern by which we can judge or anticipate their next move. They are probably the hardest to know, or maybe the easiest. It�s a zen thing. Heh. Well, anyway, my answer is No. You can�t know anybody else; and I will go further and ask why waste your time trying to know them? Either accept them in their glorious human-ness or walk away. Walk away. There used to be a dog that would sleep in the middle of this intersection on my way to work. It�s rural, but, still. Needless to say, I have not seen this dog in a while, and I do not believe I will ever see him again. My brain is wandering around, like it is wont to do. I live in a stream of consciousness, treading water and ebbing to the side to rest from time to time. Note to self: I have got to get my taxes done! I can not forget this! Very important. Deadline is soon. Don�t forget! My niece (K�s brother�s daughter) and her mother (K�s brother�s ex-wife) are coming to spend two days with us, beginning tomorrow. I will take Friday off to show them around and visit. I hate taking vacation time to �entertain� my in-laws, although technically she is no longer an in-law she is and ex-in-law. I have not seen her in about 12 years. She is staying with K�s brother and his wife. How squicky is that? Staying with her ex and his wife. Or having your husbands ex come and stay in your house. Or having your ex come and stay at your house with you and your wife. Squick! It was weird at sons wedding last year when I was with my ex and his wife and K and we were all �Isn�t this just lovely?� It was weird. I mean they�re nice and we�re nice and all that but, gah, it was just � squicky. Anyway, I think she is just visiting to get a break from staying there. Whatever. She lives in Calif and flew to Georgia so, whatever. My brain just keeps saying, �WHATEVER�. I guess I am ambivalent about the visit. I hate taking vacation time off for anyone but myself. It just boils down to that. 9:05 a.m. - 2005-04-06 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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