metanoia's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- To Dave B. Songs about dying aren't sung by the dead. They are sung by the living, flirting with the inevitable rest. Dead men sing no songs, at least not so the living can hear. Having already died, would they sing about dying? I don't think so. Rather, I think they might sing about living. How tantalizing it is to desire that which we do not have, only to realize we would desire what we have - when we no longer have it. That last sentence may mean something only to me, but I'm not going to change it. I know what I mean! 'When I use a word, it means exactly what I want it to mean...' My brother had pnuemonia. We spoke on the phone on Sunday and he is feeling better. He was in an "up" mood, and it was a good chat. He cries at the drop of a hat, so I try not to drop any hats, but evidently he drops them himself and sometimes we have a tear-fest on the phone, after which he feels so guilty and bad for crying. I try to reassure him that crying is good, sometimes and he should not judge himself so harshly, except that he always has and will continue to do so until they day comes when he exhales his last breath. His wife called me while he was in the convalescent hospital for the pneumonia. She intimated that he may eventually have to go to the VA hospital to live, because she is not really able to take care of him. It is heartbreaking to me, but I understand as she is almost 83 years old and not really in good health. K says brother was staying upbeat because she probably threatened him with the VA hospital thing and he doesn't want to go there so everything is bright and rosy and sunshine-y, too! Perhaps K is right. But for whatever reason we had a good chat on Sunday. I will try to find that quote by Benjamin Disraeli about showing emotion...it might validate his having feelings a little. I dunno. It has been a month since I have heard from son and daughter-in-law. They are either blissfully happy or totally miserable. Anywhere in-between and they call occasionally... I guess I am the same. When I feel like shit on a stick I don't really want to talk to anyone so I don't call. When I feel great, I am too busy to think about calling anyone, so, maybe they are like me. I have gained weight and I am pissed about it. I know I was making ice cream almost daily right after I got my ice cream maker, but Gah! I can't blame myself, because it was so good, but I do blame myself because it was totally out of line. Out of line in terms of my health and fatness. So, back on the program, back on the wagon. What an endless dance. Sigh. 9:53 a.m. - 2004-08-03 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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