metanoia's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Late Ballet My mother loved to dance. I think she wanted to be a professional dancer. She never said that to me, but I kind of think she did. She hated Ginger Rogers. She always said, "I can dance better than that!" whenever Ginger and Fred would trip across the screen. I think she was jealous of Ginger. Doh. I liked to dance, too. But my mother always discouraged it. Instead of taking me to dance class, which I would have LOVED, she bought me a piano, which I alternately loathed and was ambivalent about. She said all sorts of things that basically added up to saying it was a waste of time and money to take dance class. But I always wanted to be a ballerina. She told me I was too short and did not want me to be disappointed. In her mind, ballerinas were tall and slender and I was short (5'3") and regular. When I had my 36th birthday, the urge to take dance revisited. But this time, I told myself, "Of course you can take ballet, dear." So I enrolled in a neighborhood ballet class at the local Unitarian Church. It was great. I really enjoyed it. It was one of my pleasures. The teacher was a dancer from Germany. Her name was Heidi and when she barked out commands when we were at the barre, it sounded like a Nazi drill sergeant. But that just added to the whole experience. I liked it so much I enrolled in the local Jr. College and took Heidi's class on Wednesdays and the college class on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Even now when I look back at that time of my life, I smile with the memory of days sweating at the barre. I even got on pointe after a couple of years. It was a completion of a dream and it felt good. When I moved to this small town in Georgia they seemed to think that ballet class was only for children and there were no evening classes. I struggled to do the barre at home, but it just was not the same. I missed my old smelly gym and the camaraderie of the other students. I missed my teacher - Sheree - she was so good. I missed it and I miss it, still. But at least I did it. What other things can I give myself that were denied me for whatever reason? I will have to think on this. 3:51 p.m. - 2003-10-30 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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